What’s Your Advice, Should I Stay Or Should I Go? He Has Lied But I Am In Love And Can’t Afford To Leave.?
I met a man online over 2 years ago. We got together for sex, we were both married, I didn’t know he was. A couple months later, I decided to leave my husband to be with him, he promised me a job (so I quit my job), he bought me a new car (so I gave up my old one), we bought a new home (so I left my home to my ex) and then he told me he was married with two children. A fact that I did not know until it was too late, I had already made the steps. So I was homeless, husbandless, family wanted nothing to do with me and totally dependent on this guy. I decided to give it a try. I found out he lied again and again, I spent many nights lonely while he lived with his wife and vacationed with them, finally she found out and dumped and he made the move to live with me permanently. Absolutely, everything I knew about him was a lie, even his job because he worked for his in-laws. So he restarted his own business, sees the kids once or twice a week and immediately had me cooking and taking care of them. He is addicted to poker and lost thousands. The cars ended up getting repossessed and his credit ruined. I have so many regrets. I don’t trust him at all. While we were together he was online trying to find women to do threesomes with us, he used my name and credit to get things, he even asked his wife to run away with him. Everywhere we go he has already done exactly the same with his wife, the kids innocently reminesce. I have no kids and I had an abortion a couple months ago because I could not bear being attached to him forever. His children are spoiled brats that are rude and only want hundreds of dollars in toys every week, which he does, mostly out of guilt. They are 8 & 6, girl and a boy. I always wanted to have kids, I love kids and thought of my life with him and our kids. We can’t do weekend getaways cuz he has to stay to see them. His ex and him does not get along at all, I get along with my ex and even had dinners with him and this guy (even though my ex knows that I cheated on him with this guy). We always loved each other and wanted to maintain a good friendship. He absolutely does not want me out of his sight, very controlling in where I go and who I go with, he even goes to the spa with me and forget ever going out with friends. I have no friends now, not even my family is around. It’s all him 24/7, we live and work together. He always wants sex, everyday and I really don’t have the urge anymore, because we did it for 2 years up to 3 times a day. Now he is porn surfing. He wants anal sex, I tried it and don’t like it and he now expects it all the time. Now he is consumed with gambling, going to pick up kids twice a week and other get rich quick schemes. He never wants to go hang with my family (I moved 1 hour away), he doesn’t want to go to church with me or dances with me but he did all those things before when he was with his ex-wife. Now their divorce is taking up all our extra money. And he just doesn’t stay focused, he wants is an accountant that makes good money, but he was an car salesman (that failed), he started a leasing company (that failed), he wants to do mortgages (still taking courses), he wants to be a novelist (thats ongoing) he wants to be a comedian (amateur nite) poker player. . . . . too many things and that’s only in the last 2 years! Wow writing all this down gives me a good indication of what I SHOULD do.
BUT he is very good to me, massages my feet, gets me coffee every morning, very kind and generous, has never been abusive and it’s hard to not love someone who really is nice to you.
I want to hear some thoughts on this scenario, it’s a quick glimpse into my life and not all is written here but the jist is the same. I gave him a chance to not lie but I he did lie quite a few more times after and I absolutely do not trust him but my heart really loves him. What do I do?
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February 9th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
wow! sounds like you need to get the heck outta there! for sure. you don’t need to be with someone like that. no amount of feet rubbing can make up for all the other awful things he has done to you! you totally deserve better! ask your family if you can move back in with them til you can get a job and live on your own. just apologize to them. they should forgive you. and be careful next time!
February 9th, 2010 at 8:14 pm
That’s a big price to pay for a few foot massages and a cup of coffee. Also a hard way to learn the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence too. I’d say leave this bum and start over. You will have to depend on yourself to get through it maybe that will give you more self esteem and a sense of accomplishment when you learn you can make it without a man.
February 9th, 2010 at 8:59 pm
Well I bet you see the downfall to meeting people online. And you trusted someone you didn’t even know. My suggestion is to leave him and completely block him from you life. My other suggestion would be not to meet people online anymore.